April 1st: A Day Set Aside For Idiots.
In keeping with the day's fine tradition of pulling legs and yanking out leg hair, I feel the need to air a few things off my chest.
I am the illegitimate child of Brittney Spears and David Arquette. I've also sworn off world domination, have shaved my head and also convered to Buddhism (though I'm still deliberating between Mahayana or Zen). I am in fact a Tolkein-loving, midget porn star who goes by the name of Bilboner Bag'ems. I'm not wearing any pants right now. This morning for breakfast, I drank the spit of a herd of zebras, and then washed it down with a gallon of sawdust & milk. In a previous life I was one of the elephants Hannibal used to cross the mighty Alps. I am a card-carrying Communist (though does it matter if the card in question is a library card?). And I have been tapped to write the screenplay for Hollywood's upcoming blockbuster: Titanic 2, Sink Harder.
Only one of those statements were true. Sadly, it's the one about me not wearing any pants....
posted by Phillip at 6:23 PM
